My Online Diary "Quest for Freedom!"
An insight into the illness ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Dear Diary
Happy Holidays everyone!
It's a week to go untill Christmas Day! I am going to spend it with my Mum which should be nice. I haven't really been looking forward to Christmas to be honest because of the significance of it, the memory's of past one's, the depth of my feelings at this time of the year and of course the painfull memory of last Christmas! But I will try and make it as good as I can, if only for my mums sake, :0)
I hope I don't feel too down and am hoping the Doctor might give me something to help with my low feelings over the holiday, It does worry me as I know only too well how awful they can be, my stomach gets all knotted just thinking about it. I know it will be hard, I know it will be upsetting and strange, as I told you last year, Christmas has always been very special to me and Phil, so many of them spent together, and so many memories. We used to watch the weather forecasts leading up to the Big day hoping for a White Christmas, some years it did manage to snow around the time, ~ a bit before, or a bit after, but not on the actual day. This year ironically they think it may fall on the day itself!
I have been playing with my early Christmas present ~ Paint shop pro 7, a graphic making programme and have been having fun making my own graphics and making a web site for them, take a peek if you like: English~Lavender~Cottage
I listened to a CD the other day and realised something that was nice, I had taken it on holiday with me and so instead of my any music I listen to bringing memories back of past times with "him" the tracks made me think of new memories with just me and my family, which was great because they made me smile rather than get upset!
I know this may sound awful but I can't bear to think of him spending Christmas with someone else and having fun, because that's fun he should be and could be having with me! I think anyone reading this who has been left in a relationship will probably understand, and I know it is supposed to get easier,..... but it isn't yet!
Christmas can be very stressful for OCD sufferers, and so I hope if you reading this have OCD you can have as stress free a Christmas as possible!
I hope everyone has a lovely, happy Christmas, I am sending a special greeting to those on the Den's Mailing list, so when you recieve a mail from me with an attachment, don't worry it's ok! LOL.
Ho Ho Ho! Loads of love and Christmas hugs to everyone, till next year! :0) ~Sani~ xx